9/7/90

0730 hrs. Hi again! It's still hard to believe I actually heard your voice last night. What a relief for me to know you're doing okay. I wish I had had more time to talk, to tell you to give my love to everyone. I'm sure you'll do that for me anyway. The tears were really rollin' on my end. I couldn't hold them back, and I didn't care that seven other guys were standing around. Danny put an arm on my shoulder, happy for me. Maybe I got to everyone. I miss you and the girls so much. I wrote you a letter yesterday, so I neglected typing in the info here, about Mario and John. They had gotten a message relayed from Baghdad, saying they had confirmed seats for them on one of the chartered American flights out of Kuwait. Unfortunately, no one here at the American Embassy could confirm that, so they are still here. They thought that they would have been leaving for the airport at 0630 this morning. Yesterday was quite an exciting one for us here. Bob Baima (American Bob) was the only one to talk to Peter Jennings, from ABC. He ended up getting cut off. I would have liked to have added my two or three cents worth. It ended up that everyone here, except John, was able to get a phone call out, even the two Bobs. So we went out to America, Canada, Ireland and England. It was a lift for everyone. We were only waiting for a call from the states, to talk with a newspaper, so we thought. We were totally amazed when Bob was put through to his parents home in the states. Then it was my turn. I'm still floating on a cloud. It was good to hear that you got my letter. But I don't know if you also got the computer disk with it. Lord, thank-you!

1620 hrs.
Your voice lifts my spirit with the wind
What I would give to see your face again
To know your touch, the love you hold

I'm stuck. Can't think of more right now, but I sure miss you. Let's do lunch sometime! Those people called back again today, because Adrian didn't get through yesterday. So he called out, and then got to talk to BBC radio. I realized, while taking a shower, that my checks will include overseas pay. That should make it a little easier for you. Save a couple of bucks for me. Love ya! Last night, when we were watching news from Dubai, we caught a glimpse of Wanda at one of the hotels in Baghdad. Maybe tonight, we'll see Sarah or Claudette getting off the plane on safe ground. Canada Bob may be going to Baghdad now, because the 14 remaining Canadians in Kuwait are going there. They don't know if they'll get exit visas or become "guests," but they are leaving. So there won't be any Canadian diplomats left here, aye. Who knows for sure about anything? Maybe the US will pull off something that will allow the men out, and I'll go next. Dream on. The three beers I had last night, were also wonderful. I sweated them out this afternoon on the roof. I gave my butt another 20 minute exposure in the sunshine. Guess I'm running out of things to talk about, if I'm telling you that. Bye Bun!

9/6/90 I'm Not Shot!

0830 hrs. It's not me Bun! I'm sure you get worried sick every time you hear bad news about things in the Gulf. I just heard on VOA, that an American was shot while trying to escape capture by soldiers. It's not clear about his condition. If only the phones worked. I also heard on the news, that football season opens on Sunday. Another major event that I'll miss. Kidding.

There were a couple of shots fired near here last night, that woke Phill and I up. That's all it did, was wake us up. We both went right back to sleep. At this point, I think it will take a knock on the door now, to get the adrenalin going. I don't want to get the adrenalin going.

The embassy says they're trying to evacuate the women and children, by flying out of Kuwait to Baghdad. They are still trying to arrange the release of all of us. Keep praying. The news said King Hussein of Jordan is going to Baghdad to tell Saddam Hussein that he has no choice but to leave Kuwait. Sure wish he'd listen. Think I'll go have my morning toast now. To be continued.....unfortunately.....or fortunately depending on your point of view. We'll be thankful. Love you.

1010 hrs. Mario just received a message, relayed from Sarah, that they made it to Baghdad okay. She said Baghdad is operating as if nothing's going on. Said there is shelter there for Mario and John. Mario was also told that traveler's checks aren't any good. Cash only. Four Iraqi KD to one Kuwaiti KD. They said it used to be 12 to 1. John and Mario will probably be leaving next. Sarah said there is no problem going to Baghdad, or taking luggage. I give them two days here. God help the last of us.

Wednesday September 5, 1990

0815 hrs. Another day. Time to swear off wine. Getting sick of it. There's nothing else to drink but water and coffee. Oh yea, there's tea. Maybe I'll make a pitcher of iced tea today. It's pizza day. John and Mario are going to make it. Iraq has thrown a wrench in their plans to leave, by not allowing cars with Kuwait license plates to leave the country. If they go, they'll have to go to a city in Iraq to buy plates. Hussein is really being a brute. I hope the girls had a restful night in Baghdad. We were watching what few channels we can tune in, but didn't see anything about the busses arriving in Baghdad from Kuwait. Hopefully they will get out today or tomorrow. Maybe Claudette called you from Iraq. You should get my letter next week. Claudette did have it in her suitcase at first, but I asked her to keep it with her in case her luggage gets lost. Tomorrow is five weeks. Maybe I'll vacuum today for something to do. Sounds exciting, huh?

2320 hrs. Well, it's bedtime. Today, Adrian switched the antenna wires on the booster, and now we get five different channels. Five friggin weeks with one stupid channel, Iraq, because the wires were hooked up wrong on the booster. Just in time though, I think we've watched about all the VHS movies that were here. Something to pass the time in the evening. It was great to see an actual news show tonight. It wasn't too cool though, hearing that Iraq has a stockpile of weapons with anthrax virus. Maybe that's how he plans on turning Kuwait into a graveyard. I think the fool would still do it. I don't think we'll be playing games like we used to, since the women are gone. I don't know what difference that should make, but it has. Well, I'm going to bed. I love you. See you in my dreams. Pray with me.

9/4/90 - Tuesday

0740 hrs. It is quiet here now. The women left early this morning. Sarah, Claudette, Wanda and Carrera are on buses now, going to Baghdad. With them, my letter is on its way to you. I really did seal it with a kiss. Wanda and Carrera got on a bus with the Austrian convoy. Claudette and Sarah went out with the British. Yesterday, about 1600 hrs, there was a call for Adrian to let him know that there were two seats on the bus for Wanda and Carrera, if they wanted to get out. That was when Mario saw someone going into the house next door, and Phill and I ran up to the roof to hide. We stayed up there for over two hours, thinking that maybe troops were searching houses, and maybe they had taken the others, or maybe they were in this house taking food. Our imaginations were on overload, but Mario had just forgot about us. I guess after we went up on the roof, there were more phone calls saying that the Brits were going to get some buses and tag along with the Austrians, and they wanted to know if Sarah and Claudette wanted to go. The distractions were understandable, but I wasn’t happy at the time. Finally, when it was supper time, they realized that Phill and I were missing. I had told Phill earlier, that they would remember us when it was time to do dishes, since it was his wash day. That was about the truth of it.

1520 hrs. Had spaghetti for lunch. Quite filling. Played scrabble. I won. Listened to the news, nothing new. Bored. The Bobs were over listening to the news with us. Canada Bob was telling a story about Iraqi soldiers wanting to go in the market to shop, way back when there was food. His helper, Ricky was there and said the owner wouldn't allow the soldier in. He said to tell him what he wanted and he would go in and bring it out to him. After arguing, I guess the owner won. He went in and came back out with a bag full of canned cat food and dog food. I guess they were laughing when the soldier left, cuz the Iraqi peoples aren't educated and can't read. It won't be funny if it comes down to eating dog food here. We don't even have dog food. Yesterday, the news said that Kuwaiti's wounded a soldier and threw him on burning garbage so he burned to death. Saddam is threatening the west again, saying the "guests" will be hungry if food isn't allowed into Iraq. Rumors yesterday were that the hostages were allowed one sausage and three chips (fries) for meals. I feel guilty, because I have been gaining weight here, sitting on my butt most of the time. Hopefully, I'll be home before the fat disappears into nothing.

Labor Day 9/3/90

0745 hrs. Good morning, Bun. Happy Labor Day. Time to pack up and say goodbye to the cottage. Well, that’s what we should have been doing today. I'd sure like to be saying goodbye to this place. I'm still working on your letter. Abdullah stopped in to visit last night. He's the younger of the two Kuwaiti's who have helped us here. All the Kuwaiti's stayed home from work yesterday because it was the anniversary date of the invasion. He said they were going to stay home today, too. The Palestinians in this country are working though. They're supporting Hussein. If he wins, this could be their country. I think that was what Libya and Arafat are trying to arrange. I think the Kuwaiti's here are going to start hurting or killing them. They are betraying the Kuwaiti's and also turning in foreigners. I think the resistance here needs better organization, better strategic planning. Abdullah said that the Iraqi soldiers are being housed in the schools in the area. He said there are about 400 in the school by the police station near us. Even the families of the soldiers are there. Abdullah said they don't have homes in Iraq, and that the schools are all air conditioned. I guess that's something worth fighting for in a desert country. The house next to us is empty. John broke into it yesterday, and found tomatoes and a couple green peppers. It will be an extra place to hide, if we need it. Abdullah said that a couple more weeks, and Iraq will be out of some food. I don't really think he has all that accurate of information. Our other friend, Jafar, is older and I think more involved in the political families of Kuwait. His news is usually more credible I think. Miss you still. Not much in the news today. Got to go, Sarah just made us some omelets. Maybe I will miss her when she leaves.

1930 hrs. The women are leaving in the morning. I wrote you a four page letter. Mom is getting a one pager. I'm also sending this journal on a disk. I'm not sure whether our computer will be able to read this disk or not? I guess Mario and John will leave soon also. I'm just having too much fun to leave. Ha! Ha! Take care my love. God bless you. Remember the happiness. Be happy. I am with you always.

9/2/90

1000 hrs. It's Sunday. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Some women and children have been flown home. George was probably on that same flight with Jesse Jackson. Are you enjoying our vacation? Me neither. We had more fireworks last night. Some pretty loud booms quite a ways off.

What should I do? Sit and wait, or go for the desert again? I want to leave this place, but who knows how long it will take before we'd be allowed to leave. Bush and Gorbachev are to meet in Helsinki on September 9th. I wish Carol and Randy would be meeting by then. Remember me? This is a long time to be apart. How are the girls? I miss you all.

Time to go up on the roof for some quiet. Carrera is having a rough morning, screaming, crying and having tantrums. She really is spoiled. Makes me miss our angels all the more. Do they miss me? I bet they do. I miss them. They shouldn't be without me this long. It's not right, it's not fair. Is Jesse ready to go back to school? How is everyone at church? Have you been going? Have you been out to John and Dee's? How 'bout Mark and Karen? Did they ever come up for a visit? Did you go to the Haslam reunion? Am I missing anything? I'm missing you. To paraphrase an old Graham Nash song:


Thinking to myself today,
I'm sorry that I went away.
I'm feeling down, what can I say,
I miss you.

The second line is really "I'm sorry that you went away." Guess I'll go to the roof and continue reading Hanta Yo. It's a story, a saga, about an Indian tribe. It's 812 pages. I'm on page 91. I surely don't want to finish reading it in this country, but my hopes aren't too high right now. Later, Bun.

1730 hrs. I didn't end up doing any reading. I wrote mom a letter. I’m writing you one also. Sarah is really doing some serious packing, putting her whole house in a box. So, the women may leave within the week.

     As the sun is setting on another day,
     seems like we're never going to get away.


     Think of the hand
     at the end of your arm.
     Fingers to touch,
     to hold,
     to squeeze.

I better stick to writing your letter, and also that wonderful ditty I've been working on, "Another Lovely F@#ing Day In Kuwait City." Attitude time. What's for supper? If it's soup, then this must be Kuwait. Wasn't that a movie?

9/1/90 - Saturday

0945 hrs. Well, here I are. There you are. Seven weeks since I left. We had a lot of fireworks last night. It started about 2140 hrs. Red tracers from the direction of the Persian Gulf, red tracers from somewhere to our right, a big explosion, machinegun fire, pretty exciting stuff. Danny got some of the tracers on video. He also picked up sounds of machinegun fire, and me passing gas. I guess I'd give myself away if I were in combat. Of course we did have chili for lunch yesterday. I'm still gassy this morning. What's new? No big breakthroughs reported on the news this morning. We're still worried about house searches. Today is my day for dish washing duty again. We're supposed to be having omelets for lunch. They don't fill me up very well. Hope to continue my letter as long as I'm here. Don't know what will happen if they take us from this house. I doubt if I'd be allowed to bring this computer.

1220 hrs. Sarah just heard that six American males were allowed to leave because of health problems. We think that means that George got out. Praise God! Maybe there's hope for us yet. Oh yea, dish washing sucks! I had to get that out. You're getting a dishwasher, like it or not. Whenever that may be. I wonder if you've gotten my letter yet? How are the girls? Our (planned) vacation is almost over. Jesse starts school Tuesday, doesn't she? Have you gotten her some pretty school clothes? It's sure been a wonderful summer, hasn't it? Mario and Sarah have been doing a lot of packing. They must be planning to leave here soon. For them, it seems that women, children and Maltese will be able to get out. I'm jealous. I'm angry!

8/31/90

1030 hrs. It's Friday. So what? I don't feel good. We're into week five. Tomorrow is the first of September. Will I miss your birthday too? It's looking that way. [insert profanities here!] Think I'll go express myself, and take a dump. TTFN!

1930 hrs. Still not a damn thing to say! Phil just called me a "c#@t." He did it just so I'd have something to write about. Isn't he a butthead. (He said something like that too, but I’m trying to keep this clean) I think tonight is charades. Oh boy! And tomorrow will be Trivial Pursuit, and then....you guessed it, we'll play charades again the next day. Arghh!

8/30/90

0920 hrs. Four weeks today. Javier Perez de Queyar (sp?) meets with Iraq's ambassador today. The VOA news reported that Hussein was on CBS news last night, and denied rumors of secret peace negotiations with Washington. They also proclaimed that an American newspaper reported that Iraq would leave Kuwait if they had guaranteed access to the gulf, and control over an oil field that originates in Iraq. The Iraq ambassador to the US said males could leave too, if the US would promise that they would not attack Iraq. Hussein said on CBS, that the US would lose the war. God is on Iraq's side and Satan is on the side of the US. I almost could accept that based on the decline of morals in America. I think ‘real’ Christians are probably a minority in the US, but would God really back an oppressor? I think the Bible indicates maybe that is possible. It also says that His ways are not our ways. Are we being punished? Am I? What do I know? The VOA just had a note about journalist, Carol Murphy, who made it to Saudi yesterday. There must still be a path through the desert. Less than 200 miles to freedom I think. What will the day bring? Peace? Withdrawal? For me, probably just more boredom.

1250 hrs. I was up on the roof again, earlier. I finally finished that book, Voice of the Planet. Quite interesting. Just took a shower...and I shaved! I decided that the reason I was not shaving, was depressing, and I didn't want to feel that way. I also figured, if I was getting some sun, I would want my chin tanned as well, and also because I would shave it off for you when I got home anyway. So now I have to shave every day again. Nothing better to do here anyway. If you were here, I would.... Change subject. I really enjoy the peace up on the roof. I actually took off my pants for a few minutes up there. The air felt good. A darker body would be more convincing as a Spanish national. Before I shaved, my chin actually had quite a few gray hairs in it. Getting to be an old fart. See you soon, God willing.

1925 hrs. Remind me, never to watch Dan Rather. His interview with Hussein is on TV right now. He asked some stupid flippin’ questions. "Who is Saddam Hussein?" How f@#%ing stupid? Hussein won this interview. It's still on. He can really talk around a question, without giving a straight answer. Hey, tell Jesse I had cheese and jam on pita for supper. It wasn't half bad. Made me think of her. Makes me sad. I miss you all so much. Great way to spend a vacation. Dan Rather just told Hussein that Americans don't understand why he keeps hostages. Hussein won't concede that we're hostages. He says he has not asked for anything in exchange for their release. Let us go then! Now he's bringing up the Japanese detention camps again. America screwed up, so what? It was done out of ignorance, therefore, Iraq is ignorant. Hussein can really screw up the logic of an argument.

8/29/90

Hello again! Hell again! Just finished vacuuming. Doing my part to battle the Iraqis. We heard that more people were taken from a block of apartments, this morning. It was a known location for Kuwait defense support personnel, IDI I think. I keep telling myself that this place is safe. I almost don't care anymore. Hussein has said that all women and children may leave Iraq. That would be a tough decision. With you not being here, I would say that I would tell you and the children to get out. If you were here, I don't know if I could still say that. I want to get out of here, but I fear the consequence of failure. I keep thinking about the water. Could I get out in the gulf and just float down to Bahrain? Could I go out to the desert and hitch a ride on the fastest camel? We were so close that day we tried to leave. Bahrain looks so close on the map. Saudi looks so close. Only a couple hundred thousand Iraqi troops between here and there. F#@k! We played charades last night. I'm going to go up to the roof now. Quiet time for reading, reflecting and praying. Time to be alone. Feels like I am alone, even with the other people in the house. I miss you.

1820 hrs. Our love is special. Our love is blessed. Our love is forever. Can you tell that I miss you? I was on the roof for a good hour and a half today. Thought about you. Prayed. God will bring us together again. Don't know when or how, but it will be. It must! We had fish and rice for lunch. It was pretty good. Still hearing complaints about the lamb. The women may be leaving. I think Mario and John will leave too, since they have Maltese passports. If all that happens, maybe the remainder of us will get desperate and try to escape in Danny's boat. Maybe the war will start and I can just walk out of here. Maybe Scotty will just beam me up! I am trying to be optimistic and positive about all this. It's hard. Hope you are holding up okay. How's the moms? How much longer? Did you get blinds for the front room window? I heard about the tornado in Chicago, on Voice of America this morning. Did the storm hit our house? Damn it, I miss everything back there. We have such a wonderful life. There is so much to be thankful for. So much happiness, and now this! How's the lawn looking? Guess I don't miss cutting grass, or picking up dog poop. But I wouldn't complain if I could be doing both right now. I wonder if my correspondence has gotten to you. The Austrians got out. That's who we all sent letters with. Hope this diary doesn't upset you too much.

8/28/90

0930 hrs. Tuesday (so what?) Good morning Bun. Miss you. There was a lot of shooting going on last night. Three weeks ago, we would have been huddled up on the landing. Last night, we just kept on watching a video, and drinking wine. Sarah, Mario, John and Claudette were next door for an evening out. The 'Bobs' had invited them over for dinner. Claudette said since she was supposed to be on vacation, they wanted to show them a nice time. I wanted to puke when she said that. God, please get me out of here!

1530 hrs. Spent an hour on the roof today. Boy, was it hot out. I was feeling a little weak up there. Maybe because I skipped breakfast. We had fish sticks, french fries and beans for lunch. We heard that there were house searches in the city. Everyone hid their passports, hoping that these fake Kuwaiti driver's licenses will be enough to keep us from getting dragged out of here. I pray it does not come to that. I don't know if my Spanish is convincing enough for me to be a Spaniard. I guess my cover is that I'm a teacher at the Sunshine School here in Salwa, for ten year olds. God, please just make this house invisible to the Iraqi forces, to chemical weapons, to bullets and bombs. Please shield us from the dangers of this war. I don't like not having my passport on me, or any of my plastic money, or other ID. This whole thing sucks!

8/27/90

Monday 0930 hrs. Good morning world. Hi bun! (False cheerfulness) It's another beautiful, bright, sunny day outside. Another dull gray day inside. Wanda said the news this morning mentioned something about the Turkish border not allowing the men through in the US diplomatic convoy. Damn! I'll bet George is still trying to get out. Hopefully, he has been in touch with his wife since he left here. I was in touch with you, last night. I dreamt about you. I dreamt about my homecoming. Maybe it will come true. I pray to God that it does. The UN guy is supposed to meet with the Iraqi guy on Thursday. That's our four week anniversary here. I miss you. I told God that I didn't want our kids to have to grow up without a father. I don't think they'll have to. I'm not sure what God is trying to teach me here. I've always said you, Jesse and Jenny, your love, were what mattered in my life. It may be hard after I get back, but I don't think I can work at Gage anymore. I'll stay as long as I have too, but I hold no respect for that place anymore. I don't know if any courts would support my stance on the pain and hardship that Miller's poor decision caused us, but.... we'll have to see. Today is my dish washing day. Oh boy, something different to do. It was nice to see you last night, to be holding you again. I love you.

1500 hrs. Just finished the dishes. Aren't I wonderful! Wanda and Sarah both said I was slow. What's the rush? Sarah and Claudette are still moaning and groaning about the lamb we had yesterday. Wish they'd shut up already.

Hi! Miss me? We had boiled chicken and potatoes and green beans for lunch today. Wanda cooked. It was pretty good. Adrian (the other one) and Minuo brought some supplies today. I'm not sure what they brought, I was indisposed when they arrived. I spent over an hour up on the roof again today. It's very relaxing up there. Kind of like sitting in a sauna for an hour. Sure would be nice if there was a pool to jump into afterward. Something else to look forward to when I come home. That and soft toilet paper, real food, cold beer, friends, cold beer, my own house, a real bed (I sleep on a mattress placed on a table), cold beer, ice cream, Vernors, more real food, and more cold beer. And of course, you and the children with plenty of hugs and kisses sprinkled throughout.

1945 hrs. My hands are breaking out in some type of rash. It itches, too. Maybe the soap upstairs. Will use my Zest tomorrow. Maybe from splinters I have gotten here. Who knows? Who cares? Aren't we having a lovely vacation? We heard some more people were taken from their private residences. Some Palestinians turned them in. When will this bulls#@t end?

8/26/90

Sunday 0930 hrs. Time for church. I'd probably be out fishing right now, if I were home. We will never go to the Middle East for a vacation. Last night, I read a few of my entries to Danny and Phill. The three of us probably get along the best because we are without women. I hope your friends are supporting you back home. We should've had that party before I left. Have you gotten any news about me lately? You know, they should be bringing in news to us also. I don't know if you's are well or what? My heart is very heavy at times. I'm going up to the roof to sweat, to breathe. Not much in the news this morning. I guess we're waiting to see what the US will do about the tankers on their way to Yemen. Blow the muthu’s up! Do something.

2020 hrs. Boring day. Played Scrabble with Bob (dentist) and Sarah. Lost. Played cut throat pool with Bob and Bob. Lost. Came to Kuwait. Lost. I spent about an hour and a half on the roof today. Might even have got a little sunburn. There was a gunshot around noon. Sounded like it was in the back yard. Scared the crap out of me. Maybe I'll finish that book tomorrow. I was playing on the six string guitar today, also. It has nylon strings, so it's not as rough on the fingers. The twelve string has a broken tuner key for one of the "D" strings. Bummer. We had Humus for supper. That's mashed up chick peas. Tastes awful, but everyone else likes it. For lunch, Claudette made lamb stew. It was pretty good. Sarah and Claudette didn't like it. They don't like meat. Guess that's the last lamb I'll see during this war.

8/25/90

8/25/90 1030 hrs. Buenos dias mi amor. Last night Abdullah brought us some fake Kuwaiti driver's licenses. I am now Spanish. That may prevent the soldiers from taking us away, if they do happen to come here. I will just tell them that my employer has my passport. We hear that tanks are surrounding some of the embassies this morning. I vacuumed today. John has dish washing duties. Yesterday, Phillip did the dishes. BBC said the US convoy took 19 hours to reach Baghdad. Now, they won't let them leave. Poor George. They said women and children would be allowed to leave. Real [bleeped out] kind of them. The other night, Hussein said the tape recording he had was a "gift from God." I didn't know God used electronic devices. If I'm asked where my ID came from, I'm going to say it was a gift from God. I think we're pretty safe here, though. I slept crappy last night. The neighborhood dogs kept barking. I had my ears peeled. I kept expecting soldiers to break down the doors. I would have whipped on my pants and jumped out the bedroom window, one of my escape routes. That’s my plan, but not sure what happens after that? Wish I had a route back to the States. We're supposed to be at our cottage today. You probably should have taken the girls, but I doubt if you did. Maybe mom would take them. This has really messed up our lives, hasn't it? I suppose there are a lot of people in worst situations right now, and we should count our blessings. It's hard. It's hard not to be angry. Grrr!

1440 hrs. Had spaghetti with lima beans for lunch. One of Sarah's favorites. I miss your cooking. And you were starting to get pretty good, too. Claudette cut Adrian's hair today. I think she did John's yesterday. Sarah said Claude will have done everyone's by the time this is over. Not mine, I said. Sarah said long hair's wouldn't be allowed at her table. What a b@#$! Her and I will get into it yet. I probably should try to find another place to live. Our other Kuwaiti guardian, Jafar, said he knew of places that were empty. I would hate to be separated from a familiar group though. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. I wonder how George is doing now? God, please make this conflict end. The UN has okayed the use of force on stopping ships in the gulf. When will this spark ignite?

[wordplay]

Did you ever fear a knock on the door?
It's a real emotion when you're in a war.
Locked away inside a strange house,
a lifetime away from your loving spouse.
With nothing to do, day after day.
Get me home, set me free, oh Lord I pray.
What am I doing in this foreign place?
Am I here to witness the end of our race?
I never would have thought it would happen like this.
I never would have thought it would happen.

Pretty morbid, huh? You know I'm that way, anyway. It's so friggin' boring here. You can only do things over and over, just so much. My chess game is improving. I sat on the roof for over an hour, around noon time. I was reading that sci-fi book. Time for a cup of coffee. Love you!

Just watched Pink Floyd's The Wall. You wouldn't like it. Most here didn't like it. I liked it.

I Am Different

I am different than you, I am different than she.
I am different than all because they are they and I am me.
I am not meant to fit your mold, not meant to bring you joy.
I am not your child for scolding, I am not a little boy.
I am not a prisoner to your will, your burdens are not mine.
I have found more to life than your physical treasures,
your money, your toys, your hours of leisure.
My thoughts are free to travel
beyond the scope of your narrow mind.

Maybe something in there to work with, who knows? Got to think of something different to do. Maybe....what?

It's 1130 (2330), do you know where your children are? It's 4:30 pm where you are. Just getting ready for supper I suppose. I miss you. We played trivial pursuit tonight (again). I've had some wine. Not enough, but probably too much. I miss you and I miss you. When will this end? See you in the morning. God bless us all.

8/24/90 - The Filipino's Get To Leave

0730 hrs. Sylvie's gone. She left this morning about 0500, with Ricky and Freddie. Hopefully it will be easier for them than many of the other Filipinos, because they had official exit visas from the Philippine Embassy. We're down to ten now, counting Carrera. There's only the two Bobs in the other half of the property. These places are built like huge duplexes, with external single level apartments for the hired help. They remind me of enlisted man barracks. For a while, Danny and Phill were sleeping out in one of those. But with all the gunfire, and the threat of soldiers coming to get westerners, they moved inside the large quarters with the rest of us.

Midnight tonight is the deadline for the embassy people getting out. What happens next? Last night, we saw Hussein on TV, with the Brits that were taken from Messina Beach Hotel. Adrian and Wanda received a call that morning from one of the ladies, to tell them they were told to get one bag and be in the lobby in a half an hour. That was the last they heard from them. Sarah also recognized one of the children, Elliot. He attended the preschool/nursery that Sarah ran before the invasion. I guess he's a real terror. It looked like he tried to kick Hussein at the end of the staged discussion. Everyone cheered at that. One of the captive Brits was a real butt-kisser, telling Hussein that Bush was stubborn, and that they all thought the Iraqi initiative was a good proposal. What an a##hole (sometimes I can’t hold back the vulgarity). I hope there were other interviews that didn't make prime time due to people sticking up for their rights and not sucking up to Hussein.

I hope George has made it out, and gotten word to you that I'm okay. Sylvie will be calling you too. It would be nice if they got the international phone lines working again. I can't wait to leave this place. We don't think it's going to be too easy or quick or fun, but we're ready to bear that pain. We figure we will go to Bahrain, where there are international flights. I want to be home, yesterday.

8/23/90

0710 hrs. Good morning Kuwait!! Hi love. Well, I guess Sylvie's gone now too. She was supposed to leave about 0500. George should be on the road now also. If I could've passed for Filipino, I would've gone with Sylvie's group. All embassies have until midnight tomorrow, to relocate to Baghdad, or lose their immunity. If they are taken, is that an act of war? We've been here three weeks now. Doesn't that suck?

Oops, Sylvie's still here. They heard they would be stuck in Iraq, because Jordan's border is closed. Guess I don't have to take over dish washing duties yet.

There was quite a bit of shooting last night. The Kuwaitis must have been attacking the police station near here. Iraq has their police in Kuwait. I think the Kuwaitis pretty well destroyed the police stations and all important records, before the Iraqis moved in.

1255 hrs. Thirty-five minutes until lunch. Phil, Bob (the dentist) and I did another puzzle this morning. Only 500 pieces this time. A lot easier than the 1000 piece one. We're having curry for lunch today. Mario is making bread. Our other Arab friend brought us a bunch of pitas yesterday. The Iranian bakery closed. Mario and John bought 100 pounds of flour from the guy before he left. Sylvie heard a rumor that Hussein is in the hospital. The news reported that Iraq was not letting Japanese people leave now, unless Japan agreed to stop sanctions. Jerks sure are primitive. I think he wants to be martyred to unite the Arabs. I wonder how George is doing? May God see him home safely. Please see us all home safely.

I toasted our anniversary yesterday. Sure wish I'd have gotten your necklace earlier. Just think, the night before the invasion, George and I were in Fahaheel, shopping in the evening. We ate at a place called the Sunrise Cafe. It was a Filipino joint. I had lumpia and calamari. It was yummy. Our waiter was supposed to be going home the next day. A lot of these Filipinos work here and send their money home. They are away from their families for years. Sylvie hasn't seen her daughter since 1987 I think she said. What a life. I sure wish I had brought some pictures of you and the kids. I miss you's terribly.

Wednesday, August 22, 1990

0830 hrs. Happy Anniversary! I love you, Carol. I think I dreamt about you again last night. The news this morning said that Iraqi soldiers were forcing Kuwaitis to tell them where westerners were living. We heard that yesterday, but also that it wasn't entirely true. We heard that the soldiers were knocking on doors and taking those that answered the doors, and not busting in on those places that didn't answer. This supposedly took place at an apartment complex, not at private residences like where we're at. Sylvie was supposed to be getting out, but it's reported that there are too many refugees in Jordan, that now she has to wait. We really screwed up by not trying to get out of here during the first few days. But the unknown risks seemed worse than staying put at the time. I don't think we realized that it would actually go on for very long. Now, It may go on for months. I think I might like to move to a different place, and get a weapon. I don't want to be a prisoner at a location that would be taken out if there is a confrontation. But I am not going to spend today being morbid. It's our anniversary. I love you. We've had, scratch that, we have the best marriage. I couldn't ask for any more. God has really blessed our lives together. Our love will be eternal. Time to take my shower. I haven't shaved for a while. This is an ugly situation, so I wanted to look ugly, and I do. But you know that inside, I'm not. And you and a few others, are all that matter to me. Later, love.

2025 hrs. Well, George is at the American Embassy. They are going to try to get him out as a dependent because of his heart medicine. They are leaving at three in the morning. I pray he makes it. I wrote you a note that he is carrying out. Hope it reaches you. Wished you a happy anniversary again. There's some explosions off in the distance right now. Big deal.

fixing a hideout

8/20/90 1800 hrs. Just wrote you a quick note. I pray God will direct it to you in good speed. We have been fixing a hideout in the ceiling, and stashing our foodstuff in there. We can all get up there in under three minutes. If we are warned that soldiers are searching homes, we will hide out up there. If we are not warned, some of us may make a dash for it anyway. There have been unconfirmed reports that some people have been taken from their homes. I don't want you to worry too much. God will watch over me, and there are friendly Kuwaiti's in the area. Sorry about our vacation, our anniversary, this whole flippin’ mess. Never again! See you for now.

8/21/90 0800 hrs. Good morning, Bun. Dreamt about you last night. It's time to listen to BBC radio. Three days is the time left until Iraq has ordered all embassies to move to Iraq, otherwise the people lose their diplomatic immunity. That ought to cause some s#@t. I'm sure the UN will evoke Article 42, to enforce their last resolution with force if necessary. How much longer? We started working on a 1000 piece puzzle yesterday. We'll probably finish it today.

Not much new on the news. We're still not going anywhere. We've been apart a long time haven't we? I can't wait to see you and the girls again. I pray for you all. I pray about Jesse's heart. God watch over us all. I sure wish we were together. In the USA. I want to come home.

1615 hrs. I don't know how many ways I've imagined the homecoming. Kisses and hugs and crying, hugs, crying and kisses. Can't wait. It's a down day for me today. No end in sight, no definite news of what the heck's going on. I feel empty. Celebrating our anniversary without you tomorrow will be hard too. This really sucks. Miss you. Miss yelling at the kids. Love you. Don't miss work though. Guess I’m putting the blame on them for me being stuck here.

Still here

8/19/90 Sunday 0723 hrs. Another day. Praise God! I completed my fast. The Lord has heard our prayers. We will get out of here. I believe that.

There was more gunfire in the night. It woke me up. I was going to come downstairs and heat up my plate of spaghetti, but I didn't want to wake anyone. I woke up before 0600, came down and had a bowl of Corn Flakes. I listened to the news at 0700. Iraq's Foreign Minister said that Iraq will not use chemical weapons, unless they are attacked by nuclear weapons. Those a##holes. I can't believe they seriously think they rate nuclear attack. Send in the Marines! The UN Security Council voted unanimously to condemn Hussein's actions and demand the immediate release of foreigners. The US ships have fired across the bows of two Iraqi tankers in the gulf off the coast of Oman. Oh man! Iraq has already claimed we have committed an act of war, by imposing a blockade. What will they do now?

Last night, Adrian got a call about some other Brits that tried to leave yesterday. Some were shot at. Another group was interrogated and taken to the Hyatt in Kuwait City. Their passports have been taken away. For a time, husbands and wives were separated. That must've been rough.

1120 hrs. The 11-o'clock BBC news said that Iraq is again requesting that all Westerners report to three hotels. London and Washington are saying stay home. Adrian got another call saying that those Brits at the Hyatt were taken away last night to unknown whereabouts. I'm not sure how much longer we will be safe here. A Kuwaiti couple that live across the way from here, came by this morning and told Sarah that they would go out for us to get milk and food. God bless them. We may be safe here if Iraqi soldiers have fears about searching unknown premises. Let's hope so. Please Lord, end this mess.

I'm getting a little stir crazy. There are little ants in the house. In the bathroom, they assail me when I'm on the pot. Which reminds me, the toilet upstairs has been clogged. I think Sarah blames me for some reason. But I know that one of the ladies threw a tampon in the toilet a week ago, and I think that caused the congestion in the pipes. But I bite my tongue, as usual. Can’t let the little things aggravate our situation. [20 years later, this type of situation is entertainment on reality TV shows]

It's 1325 hrs, five minutes till lunch. I still haven't had my spaghetti yet. Hope no one else eats it. I'm hoping to eat it for my supper. Somebody will probably gripe about it. I don't care. I just want to come home. I love you all. Hope the girls are getting along and not driving you crazy. I imagine your mother has chosen to stay with you under the circumstances. Hope you two are getting along okay. Are you managing the bills okay? Sorry to leave you with all this. A glimpse into the future perhaps? I sure pray it isn't a permanent ordeal for you. Not this soon. When I get back, you can be sure I won't be apart from you again. I don't think a few million bucks is an unreasonable settlement for the pain and suffering caused, do you? [When all was said and done, there would be no money, and I would travel again. Sometimes you just have to put things behind you]

1430 hrs. The Lord is looking out for us. A VIP Shiite just left here. He brought us food and meat. Praise God! He's the one who came by this morning. Sounded like he was pretty well involved in the Kuwaiti resistance forces. He told us that the Iraqi forces that were here the first two days, were Iraq's elite troops, but they went back to Iraq to be replaced by all this "junk" equipment that makes up their defenses now. He really raised our spirits, well mine anyway. He took our phone number. Said he had a better view of the area than we did, so he could warn us if we need to bug out of here. He said that Saudis are getting in, and so are weapons. He told us the booms yesterday were them (the Kuwaitis) blowing up the last three vehicles of an Iraq convoy, using a bazooka. He said they're eliminating about 20 Iraqis a day. He also told us that the gunfire at night is from the youths who drive around to piss off the Iraqis. He said the Iraqis don't like getting "fart" at, so the youth shoot at them to piss them off. He told us the tanks in the field were worth about 50 KD each, and that they could trade a dishtasha (traditional robes) for a machinegun. I guess there are also daily attempts on Hussein's life, as well. I don't know if the Muslims have angels, but I think God has provided us a guardian angel. Maybe next time I see him, I'll ask if he can get any communications out to the states.

My first fast in Kuwait

8/18/90 Saturday 0755 hrs. Woke up at 0615, showered, and came downstairs to listen to the news. It was bad news. Iraq has announced that they are making preparations for keeping Westerners of the threatening countries, in military and key civil locations. The US and England can't allow it to go that far. I thought I caught mention of an attempt to kill Hussein, that was broadcast on the Moscow radio yesterday. Something has to give. I am going to attempt a fast today, in an appeal for our safety and ability to get along with one another. Last night, we played charades and drank some wine. Afterwards, some started airing their opinions about our situation. I have been keeping my mouth shut, and trying to stay out of the way. I have offered help anywhere that I could, but I haven't wanted to be intrusive. Sylvia has told me more than once, not to bother with the dishes. She didn't want me to do my laundry either. But the other women are feeling that some of us, like myself, are not doing a fair share. None of this is fair. As a prisoner in a life threatening situation, I really can't get excited about vacuuming or cleaning the house. Sorry. I think we're going to discuss the situation some more today, before any influence of alcohol. Just did a spell check. 7000 words here so far. Sure hope I can hand it to you to read. I miss you. I pray for you and the children. I pray for us all. Be well my love.

1040 hrs. [more poetry]
I face the door.
It could just as easily be a wall.
For I cannot pass through.
Am I near the end of destiny?
Does someone hold the key?
Does the door open in or out?
Where lies the answer?

1200 hrs. I'm hungry. I hunger for food. I hunger for your companionship. I hunger for answers. I hunger for the truth. Feed me, Lord. Fill me with your love. Show me the way.

[and still a little more]
I climb the mountain.
Here and there I slip, I stumble.
My grip is weak.
There is no clear path to follow.
Must I even reach the top,
to find an answer?
Could I have walked around the base,
to achieve the same results?
What does it matter now?

1300 hrs. John and Mario return from a food run. They are the hunters now, the holders of Malta passports, maybe safe from being rounded up by our Iraqi ransomers. Looks like they had a good hunt. Spent 70 dinars. John says there are machinegun nests set up over bridges, soldiers on the streets. May be the last venture outdoors for a long while. We haven't sat down yet to discuss our social crisis. Fill you in later.

1930 hrs. I'm hungry. I pray. It figures, a day I choose to fast, Sarah makes spaghetti. Me and that plate have an appointment at midnight. Wanda noticed I hadn't eaten, and got it out of me that I was fasting. "Trust in God." I do. Mario and John went for bread, but they were out. Food may get scarce here. We heard Iraq's warning that the westerners would suffer the same as the Iraqi children, due to the blockade. I love their choice of words. The Iraqi's have decided to "host" us. Host is the first syllable of hostage is it not? So, it's official, we are "host"ages. Pray harder, Randy. Church tomorrow. "Let my people go" you bastard! Can you bring judgment upon this man real soon, Lord? What is the plan? I need a drink of water. Oh yeah, we heard that those booms yesterday were caused by a Kuwaiti who loaded his car with dynamite, and rammed it into an ammo truck or something. There is resistance here, but it seems awful small. I sure hope they are communicating with the friendly forces. Love you. Will continue manana.

2020 hrs. Oops! Gunfire, maybe machineguns, real close. Sounded like it was across the street. Two hours till my fast is over. Dear God hear my prayers.

Day 16

8/17/90 Friday, 0950 hrs. Finally got a call from the American Embassy. Roy Johnson is now our warden. He said the warden system had completely fallen on its butt. I told him the Brits were doing okay and being contacted daily. Score one for England. (Found out later, that his wife is a Brit warden and a friend of Sarah's) No one is recommending that we move to the hotels, as requested by the Iraqis “to facilitate our safety.” Bull! They only want to make it easier to round everyone up. We are staying put.

I was listening to Voice Of America on the radio this morning. General Horner is commanding the US forces in Saudi. He's a pilot and Vietnam Vet. Says he and the senior officers do not like war, but the attitude of the younger people is different. He said they felt like they were on a football team, but not being used in the game. I guess they're primed for a fight. I'm almost ready to join the local resistance. I feel so helpless. I can't speak the language, don't have any weapons, and can't get word to you. The warden (reminds me of your mother's nickname. I'm actually smiling.) said that there would be a meeting at 0800 tomorrow, to collect the latest list of names. He said there would be an 800 number in the States, for those inquiries about our status. I know that you knowing I'm still alive isn't going to ease your troubled heart a whole heck of a lot. I'm sorry you have to be subjected to this. Someone had better damn well compensate you (hopefully us) for going through this trauma. It’s hard not to be angry about being here. I think anger is a better emotion for this situation than depression, so I will be angry.

I was doing well at the SAS, physically speaking, but I noticed yesterday that my gut is poking out. So, I did 40 sit-ups this morning. I also went up on the roof and did 25 push-ups, some jumping jacks and some running. Maybe I should do that at night. No, scratch that. Don't want a stray bullet to find me up there.

[more poetic thoughts]
Living in fear
someone get me out of here.
Don't want to die
without knowing why.

Oh yea, I almost got a chuckle from the VOA journalist who said something about an "Iraq gas attack." Of course, joking aside, that is a real fear for us all. The only hope for us, would be that the use of such evil weapons would be on the war fronts. I will pray to God, that He bring up the greatest sand storm, to counteract and dissipate the chemicals before the innocent bystanders are struck down. But none of us are totally innocent, are we? Boy I miss you. I had a dream last night. I think it was about Jenny. In my dream I had to spank her or something. Probably from feeling that Carrera should get smacked once in awhile. I think Wanda and Adrian are wearing down though. She actually gave her a little smack yesterday. First one I saw since I've been here. It was long, long overdue.

1600 hrs. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Three big explosions. Even shook the house. Sounded real close. Up on the roof, something was smoking to the northwest. But we think the firing occurred from the gulf area. Just another day of captivity.

Still in Kuwait...

8/16/90 Thursday, 1336 hrs. Well, I'm still here. Just flippin’ wonderful. The word came back last night around 2200 hrs, that our escape was put on hold. I went to bed at 2230. The ups and downs were wearing me out. I slept pretty good. Guess there were explosions last night, and I didn't even wake up. Ray, one of the local Kuwaiti resistance guys, was by this morning and said that he saw one of the Iraqi officers hanging from a crane. We heard another was hanging at the Meridian Hotel. I think it's party time again. Claudette made meat loaf today. What a treat! Some of us have been teasing Sarah about all the veggie meals. I think she gets insulted too easily. Too bad (attitude is acting up again). I hate it here.

We are still left hanging up in the air. Adrian and Wanda went to see their Embassy warden today. Although the previous routes are closed, there may be the possibility of another route. We could leave as early as 0600 hrs tomorrow. We have to try. What do we have to lose? Our lives? No. We still believe that the worst that could happen is that they'll turn us back. I really want to be home for our anniversary. Whatever day it is that I do make it back, will be one for the annals of history. It will be a day to celebrate for the rest of our lives together. We will get out of here. Just keep the faith (easy to say).

When Adrian and Wanda were out, they heard that the Iraqi Embassy was bombed. Chalk another one up for the Kuwait resistance. They also said that a car was burning right now, around the corner from us. Kind of like living on Evergreen in Detroit. Guess we'll continue our pool tournament today. Love you always.

1620 hrs. S@#t! S@#t! S@#t! More rumors. Confirmed rumors. Iraqi's are telling all Americans to gather their foodstuff and go to the Hilton. No frigging way! We figure they will hit the hotels first, to pick up foreigners. Next rumor, they want to collect the Brits too, at another hotel, the Hyatt. We are afraid once again. Danny and Phill are out. They have been contacted and told to stay put. We have wrapped wire around the gate, to prevent entry. We haven't heard from the American Embassy in a week. Still unable to get through on their phone number. The Brits with us hear from their people almost daily. It sucks being a peon.

1635 hrs. Danny and Phill are back. Danny probably figured this is where the most wine is stashed. Please Lord, see us thru this mess. There is a place in the ceiling to hide, but I don't know if it would hold all of us. I don't think we would be able to keep Carrera quiet enough, anyway. She’s about four years old.

Two more days

8/14/90. [It is almost starting to become routine now. We are numb to the goings on of the outside world, biding our time inside our walled Kuwaiti townhouse]
We live another day. George and I walked down to the Iranian Bakery this morning, for bread. We were late. Only five loaves available. I think I'll start inputting this journal on the PC, just for something to do.

Today we are having a pool tournament. Yesterday was Round 1. I beat Sarah, narrowly. Lucky. Then she whipped my butt in cribbage. I drank a lot of wine yesterday. Seeing where all the forces are in the desert makes me feel a little safer in the place we're staying at. We go on day by day. "Day By Day" is an appropriate song.

(poetic thoughts)

Cried myself to sleep last night

Something about this place just isn't right.

You're not lying next to me

This is not the way it's supposed to be.

8/15/90. Payday. Ha! Yesterday, John, Claudette, George and I went back to the SAS Hotel for the last time. I through everything into my suitcase, except my new luggage caddy. Now all of my clothes are here at our “hideout.” Don't know if they'll go any further. There were visitors when we got back. Leoni and Gail, and Adrian and Minuo had stopped by. Adrian and Minuo had been over before. They all stayed for chili. Danny cooked it. It didn't even come close to yours.

1030 hrs. How are you holding up, I wonder? I hope the embassy is keeping you updated on my safety. Eight more days until our anniversary. Somehow, I don't think I will be home in time for it. Angry again. A few shots woke me again last night. Now I'm writing directly onto the PC. I hope the disk survives the trip (if there is a trip). Today is what? Wednesday, John tells me. Two weeks tomorrow. The people who came by yesterday are living in apartments along gulf road. They saw the German girl who was raped. Soldiers have searched their premises. I think they are probably within range of the machinegun nests that are now established on the gulf side of the road. The soldiers have laid brick barriers on the gulf road, to force vehicles to go slow and drive in a zig-zag, right in front of these machinegun nests. I don't know if the heavier stuff has been moved to the Saudi front, or onto the beach front. We can no longer see all the tanks that lined the gulf road a week ago.

1130 hrs. Wanda and Adrian went back to their home to gather more of their belongings. Last night the news announced that any Iraqi soldier caught looting, would receive the death penalty. Someone told Bob that today there is an Iraqi Colonel hanging from a crane. We also heard yesterday, that an Iraqi tank and a jet had gone to Saudi and surrendered themselves. Also, soldiers were asking people for civilian clothes. Maybe this thing will end easier than we figured.

1815 hrs. This is it! We will make another attempt tomorrow, on a route designated by the British Embassy. There goes my stomach again. Adrian got the word, because he met his warden in person, and we have a good size group already in one location. The rules: no phone calls, three to four cars max, one bag per person. Good-bye laptop, and just about everything else. About an hour ago, there was some heavy shelling or explosions nearby. Dear God, be with us tonight, tomorrow, and always. Shield us with your love and guide us out of this land. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Failed Escape Attempt

8/13/90 1430 hrs. Well Hon, I'm not writing this from a safe hotel room. We're back at Mario and Sarah's. We were so close, and SO in the center of the Iraqi defenses. Tanks and artillery were everywhere we looked. I think we tried over four routes. We were turned around at road blocks, over half a dozen times. God was with us. No major incidents. But...we didn't get out. My day went like this:


I was up at 0530. Took a shower at 0600. Listened to BBC. Put on our dishtashas (like we would fool someone). Left Mario's about 0830. Met at the guide's house about 0900. Left there around 0935. Destination: Saudi.

Every route we took ended up a dead end. After three tries, we came back. We were unloading the vehicles, when one of the Kuwaitis drove up and said there was another route to try, and that the guide was waiting for us. Most of the group had had enough. The two Bobs were still willing to try. Phill jumped in with them, George jumped in, so I jumped in their car too. We headed off. The three Filipinos were still game, as well. All my faith was with God. What would be, would be as God would allow.

God allowed us a view of the war zone, and brought us home safely. Something very large hit our windshield, right in front of Canada Bob's face. We all jumped at the thud, as it smashed into the glass. We made it thru a road block about 1230. Earlier in the day, we had been turned around at this same check point. I thought we were gonna make it now. We made it thru a few more check points. We even got off the main road and went onto the desert. I'm not sure how far we drove on the sand, maybe a mile or two. Then we came upon a road. I thought it was the road we saw on the map, on the Saudi side of the border. No such luck. A couple of Kuwaitis got their cars stuck in the sand. We all got out to help push. Probably all thinking of the Brit who was shot (I think doing the same thing). It was hot, dry and windy. And the spinning tires gave me a face full of sand. We managed to get the cars out, one being a station wagon. We drove on the road.

It was about 1330 hrs. Gas was getting low. I thought now, we would die out here. Iraqi tanks were parked along this route, to the left and the right. Target practice, anyone? Seems like we drove up and down the main line of their defenses. They are definitely dug in.

I am going to drink a lot of wine now. Don't want to run out of paper writing this journal. Nine days until our anniversary. Ninth, isn't it? I love you and miss you!

8/12/90 Sunday, and no church here for me to attend. Had a dream last night. I dreamt that the sky was filled with planes of all types. Couple of days ago, I dreamt I was home. That was pleasant. The wine must've helped me sleep soundly last night. Adrian and the others said there was close gunfire last night around 0230 hrs. It's 0800 now, time for BBC news. Egyptian President Mubarek says "there is no hope for a peaceful solution" now. So, we wait.


1540 hrs. Just put film in my camera and took some pictures on the roof. I left a roll at the SAS Hotel, in my suitcase I think. I took the film out of my camera when we came here, due to paranoia. If there's a way out, I don't think it will be through a search inspection point. Come on Marines, save the day!

Lunch today was soup. I think we're having lunch too early. We ate at 1330 hrs. But I'll not cause trouble under the circumstances, if I can help it. Under the circumstances, I would think that a late breakfast and an even later lunch would be best. It seems like we're all filling ourselves, and to me it just doesn’t feel right.

2110 hrs. Rumors are flying! Borders are open! Borders are open only to those trapped at the border already. Borders will be open in two to three days. Who knows what to believe? We are going to follow a Kuwaiti guide out tomorrow at 0700 hrs. This in the face of hearing that a Brit was shot doing something similar. Supposedly the person taking our caravan out has already taken his own family across the border, and returned to take out relatives. We have three four-wheelers. George and I are riding with Danny and Phil. We all have distashas to wear, so that we don’t stand out while trying to cross the dessert. God be with us, bless us, guide us and protect us. I'm scared. I think we all are. We're forcing down some soup. It may be our last meal....here in Kuwait. Carol, I will never leave you again, for any price. I'm going to pack this away now. I love you.

Trip back to hotel

8/10/90 Friday. More gunfire last night, but thanks to the wine that the Brits make in a large plastic garbage can, I managed to sleep through it all. Today we went to get "petrol" as the Brits say. Then John, George and I went to the SAS hotel. Amazingly, my stuff was still in the room. I grabbed my shorts, tapes, soap and shampoo. Sarah won't like my tapes. She's like you Bun, jazz isn't her favorite. Going to the SAS was scary. I think we did it just to do something. We were stopped by soldiers three times on the way back. I don't like being stopped by someone carrying a machinegun. My life is in God's hands. We weren't tempting fate. We decided that the soldiers weren't concerned with westerners at this point in time. There were plenty of soldiers on the gulf road. About every 100 feet or so, they were dug in with brick piles for protection.

Approx 1750 hrs. Gunfire from somewhere nearby! Voice of America says that the Iraqi ambassador says nothing can be resolved until the US is out of Saudi. Never happen, scumbag.

8/11/90 It's Saturday. The Arab summit (once it finally met) voted to send multi-Arab forces to Saudi. Your move Hussein. The radio says it can be a long time before us westerners are allowed out of Kuwait. We are pretty well stocked for food and water. Enough for a few months at least. Danny, Phill, Adrian, Wanda and Carrera went over to their respective residences today. We probably have enough homemade wine for six months now. Danny brought back more computer games, and his Commodore Amiga. Yesterday, I brought the laptop over from the SAS. The day before, Bob brought a big PC home from the bank, and also a laser printer. If only I could get word to you, to let you know how well we've adapted in our forced isolation. We are still prisoners, but we are comfortable and making the best of it. I pray daily for our safety, and for guidance out of this land.

There were soldiers in Adrian and Wanda's home. She walked in on them. Scared the s#@t out of her. They had also been in Danny's house, and taken his walkman. We have nothing here to defend ourselves with, except some kitchen knives. So far, it seems fairly secure in here at night. The gates are locked. The residences in this neighborhood are each surrounded by six-foot high brick walls. The windows are also barred. We slid some heavy chests across the front door to secure the entrance. We have three four-wheelers inside the grounds, fueled for our hasty departure. God help us. I miss you Carol, and I hope and pray to see you soon (to see you again period). But our minds can't think like that. We'd really go wacko. So, we just live each day, centered on this house, hiding from the frightening conflict occurring around us. I pray that God is with you, to soothe your stress and worry. Be well my love. Be blessed. I love you forever.

8/9/90 - Start of Week 2

[After a week, the frustration and anger demons started to get their grip on me. This entry definitely reflects a pity party - RS]


Good morning world. More gunfire, chanting and screaming last night. "Allah Akbar!" Seems everyone is getting used to it. George was snoring away. I was staring out his window, which faces the gulf, to see if any masses were heading this way. No marines from the beach yet. I laid in bed for a while, fully dressed. When I dozed off, I gave in and got undressed, and went to sleep. God has brought us into another day. The news said some Brits got out thru Iraq. I guess they were working in Baghdad. I keep wondering what the heck I'm doing here. George and John came over two months ago, and probably should have been brought home the first time it was reported that Iraqi troops were massed on the border. The rest of these people have been working here for years, for the big bucks. Except Claudette. She came for a vacation to be with John and their best friends, Mario and Sarah. John's expense account was a nice benny too. But me, I left the USA the same day it was reported that troops were lining the Kuwaiti border. Nobody at work would tell me not to go. We had a clause in the contract, "Force Majeure," but it was for future business relation considerations that they made me come over for. Never again! Inconsiderate bastards. Carol better make them pay, if I'm lost to my family. Guess I have an attitude today.

Saddam Hussein
will he bring chemical rain?
The man will rant and rave
how Kuwait will become a grave.
I don't think he will budge.
He seems to hold a grudge.
How long will it be
before he brings us misery?

8/8/90

0925 hrs. Thank-you Lord, for another day of life. Last night was pretty hairy. One or two groups of Kuwaiti's were making an assault, shouting "Allah Akbar" and firing their guns. They were close. George thought he heard a bullet hit the house. We were all gathered at the top of the steps on the landing, away from any windows. A couple of us went to the roof, at first. There was something firing from the beach area, leaving short red tracers in the sky, toward Kuwait city. The gunfire was too close to feel safe up there, so we came in. The group moved away and everyone went back to their rooms. I sat against the wall for a long time, listening. I suppose I was terrified, and the adrenalin was really pumping. Finally, I went and lied down on my mattress. I left my clothes and shoes on. A few times in the night, I would listen out the window. I don't know if I heard anything or not.


1000 hrs. We heard a loud boom! [It was frightening to be hiding behind the walls of our duplex compound, not knowing what might be coming our way at any moment. We had only been there a few days, so our senses had not yet become dulled to the world outside. No one knew what tomorrow might bring. I certainly didn’t anticipate how many more tomorrows of being trapped that I would have to suffer through.]

Sarah is taking inventory of our food, to figure out how many meals we have. Right now, we plan to sit tight. It’s too risky to go out looking for more food. I think we have enough for months. I pray we are evacuated before then.

1550 hrs. President Bush speaks in ten minutes. I'm making up a new dash bag (change of clothes, etc.), with what I have left to carry with me out of town. I also have my ditty bag that will suffice in a super emergency.

2020 hrs. I guess it's the Arab Nations' move next. Bush is defending Saudi, and demanding that Iraq "get out" of Kuwait. Iraq has annexed Kuwait. There should be a meeting of the main Arab nations in the next few hours. The evening prayer is sounding from the Mosque in the neighborhood square across from us. I know there are many prayers across the ocean for us as well. It will be nice to see you again. I hope the embassy has gotten word to you that we are still okay. They called yesterday, and again today. I’m hoping that one of the calls may be the one to tell us the way out.

8/7/90

I awoke about 5:00 AM. Finally got up at 5:30 AM, took a shower, and brushed my teeth. Didn't shave (that's three days now). We heard on the radio, that the UN Security Council voted to invoke the sanctions against Iraq. We also heard about all the ships heading to the Persian Gulf. We may see fireworks yet. I can't see Saddam Hussein budging.


Sylvia's embassy told the Filipinos to get a bag packed. They may go for the Saudi border. We gave her our phone number. Maybe if they go, she can call you to let you know we're fine, for the moment. I really get angry about being here.

Mario and Adrian went out this morning and brought back milk, cereal and fruit. They went out again for some bakery bread. Danny left for his place. I think he's coming back, but he thinks we'd be safer in his home. I think a move like that is too risky. I don't know how we'll get out of here. We're probably a mile or so away from the beach. The gulf road, with steady Iraqi troop movement, is in between. Our destiny is in God's hands. It has always been that way. Now it seems time is slipping. If I survive, will I be different? I'll be older, maybe even wiser. Will this ever be behind me?

Danny's back. He smokes. I almost bought a carton of cigarettes the first time we went to the market. Everyone tries to occupy themselves, reading, music, staring at the ceiling. It's pretty boring. Our highlight is listening to BBC radio every hour. Yesterday, I did aerobics with Sarah and Claudette. I'm a little sore today. We also try the phone once in awhile, for something to do. That faint hope, that just once, an international call will go through. We haven't been able to get through to the American Embassy since the first or second day. This sucks! Time to pluck the guitar. Maybe I'll make up a song.

1145 hrs. We were watching the last MASH episode (appropriate). I didn't plan on hanging out for the end. But.... First, something on the floor in my bedroom moved. I had the lights off cuz there's no curtains on the window in the room where my mattress is. It was big enough to catch my eye. I turned on the light. It was under my sheet. A big freakin’ cockroach. I killed it. Shook out all my bedding. Moved my mattress onto a wood table. Then... The gunfire started again. S@#t! There goes the stomach. It will probably be another restless night. God, please get us out of here.

August 6, 1990

I wish that I could call my wife to let her know I'm okay. I know she’s probably terrified. Be strong dear. Draw strength from God. No matter what happens, our bond is eternal.

I looked at the picture of the kids this morning, and showed them to Sylvia (Mario’s Filipino maid). She has a five year old in the Philippines. I feel like crying. My stomach is in knots. We can't get through to the embassy. Doesn't look like I'll be coming home Thursday, as scheduled. Sixteen days until our anniversary. I had ordered Carol a gold necklace with her name in Arabic. It would've cost me 30 KD. I was gonna pick it up tomorrow. Carol, I don't think you'll ever see that necklace. It's not really important though, is it? I miss you, the kids, the house, soft toilet paper, beer, Tostitos & hot sauce, freedom. Just to be at ease and walk the dog around the block would be wonderful right now.

If something happens to me, if I get killed (a possibility I must consider), don't think about how I died. Remember how I lived. Trust in God. Love the children. Love life. Grow old and be happy. I will always be with you. You can remarry, if he can love the children (who couldn't), and if they can love him. But do it for love, nothing else. But I'm not gone yet, and don't plan on leaving. When I get home, we'll go out for some Mexican food, after some major hugs and kisses of course. I am also missing my music. I left my tapes at the SAS hotel. I left my heart in Michigan. I'll get home, God willing. Lord, I pray You are willing.

1430 hrs. Three more bodies are joining us. Adrian, Wanda and their little girl Carrera. We hear this and that, and we wait and we wait. We are passing time by watching Lawrence of Arabia on the VCR.

1600 hrs. I closed my eyes and went home. Across the ocean and passed 7-eleven, down (what is that street?)...Davison, to Crestwood. I walked in the front door and saw you all sitting in the front room. I really did. I was there. I am there.

1700 hrs. Add two more to the guest list, Danny and Phill. I hope our host & hostess can maintain their calm. I hope everyone can. The neighbor of this townhouse duplex, Bob from Canada, is helping to handle the overflow. How much longer? Within 48 hours, something should break.

1710 hrs. We hear machinegun fire. Another adrenalin rush.

August 5, 1990

I was restless again last night. Got up about 0600 hrs, listened to BBC, then took a shower. No word yet, about when foreigners will be allowed to leave. The news got word about homes of private citizens being ransacked. Carol must be a wreck. Still no international communications. I'm okay, Bun. I love you. There is no situation that could change that.


1040 hrs. George, John and Mario went for a drive. I'd rather go for a plane ride.

Here I am, in the middle of a war, but I don't want to be here anymore. (short poetry)

Maybe I'll go next door and practice playing pool. At least there's that to do here. We heard some areas have lost water. There goes the adrenalin again. I restrung Mario's twelve string guitar yesterday. Now I'm getting blisters on my fingers.

1530 hrs. We can hear prayer time over the loudspeakers at the local mosque tower. Nap time for everyone here. I have been trying not to take naps. Afraid I'll miss something. Hard to keep my eyes open though. We had stuffed peppers for lunch. Yesterday it was chicken curry. We still have a good stock of food supplies. The guys bought some Iranian bread yesterday. It is pretty good. Like pita style, only a different grain.

I guess some of the tanks are gone, but they’re still checking people on the main roads. Don't know if we'll ever get to retrieve our belongings from the SAS Hotel. I wish I had those peanut M&M's.

Are we afraid to be Christians?
What might people say,
if I bowed my head in public
and closed my eyes to pray?

8/4/90 Day Three

On the third day, I changed my journal writing format into a letter writing style to allay Mario’s fears about me being mistaken as a spy. Although the world around us was in chaos, the activities within the walls of our compound seemed almost vacation-like. It was impossible to ignore our situation, but remaining behind closed doors gave us some semblance of sanctuary. All we could do was to keep a low profile, and wait.

Dear Carol, (I'll pretend this is a letter now.)

I know you couldn't imagine me in the comfort of an air conditioned home, while the country I'm in is at war. It has been quiet since the first day. We went out again to the market today for more canned goods. There were a few soldiers posted at different street corners. There was also heavy military traffic heading south. The international communication lines are out now. You're probably worried sick. May God keep you well.

I slept better last night, although I half-expected to be wakened for a search in the middle of the night. We played pool yesterday, then trivial pursuit in the evening, until after midnight. We still listen to the radio every hour, BBC. We hear Iraq plans to start withdrawal tomorrow. We think that highly unlikely. We are eating well for the moment. That little voice that I try to ignore, whispers to me that “any meal may be my last.” The embassy put out the word to stay put. It’s hard waiting. It will get harder still. God be with us. God be with my family.

We heard that the Iraqis confiscated a truckload of food being delivered to the SAS. Our rooms may be cleaned out by now. I left a big bag of peanut M&M's in the fridge in my room. Somebody said that the 747 passengers who were stuck at the airport, were moved to the SAS. Again, I'm glad we're at Mario and Sarah's, though I feel that I'm really imposing on them. I think we're missing that Christian bond. I bowed my head and said a dinner prayer this afternoon. Nobody said anything. I don't think anyone even noticed I was being reverent. I have strong faith in God, but not about by personal welfare. That really is such a minute concern. Not to the people who love me, of course. But then God loves me. That is not on the same level.

The waiting is harder for George & I. Our families are on the other side of the world, with no idea of how we are. We have no idea on how we will be. Sarah told me I could have these two Arabic dolls for Jesse and Jenny. Cost her 17 KD. After this ordeal, just a big hug should be satisfying enough. We are praying for such a chance. Well I am, anyway.

8/3/90 Day Two

Morning. It was a quiet night, although I didn't sleep for squat. When I did sleep, I had nightmares. I tossed and turned, waiting for more sounds of fighting. Thank God those sounds never came. I got up at 5:30 AM. I wanted to use the bathroom while everyone slept. Were they sleeping? Yesterday, we left the SAS Hotel so quickly, I never even brushed my teeth. This morning I brushed them twice. I even shaved and put on clean clothes. Not that I am going anywhere. I also managed to leave the hotel without any shorts. I borrowed a pair from Mario yesterday. They were pretty filthy at the end of the day, from climbing on the roof. I spent a few hours just gazing over the city, from atop of the water tank on top of the roof. Using Mario's binoculars, I could see the top of the SAS Hotel. I could see bits of the Persian Gulf also. I wouldn't mind being back on a submarine right now.

1020 hrs. I need something to do. Can't sleep. John's talking about going to the SAS Hotel and getting our clothes. He and Mario went by there this morning. They said tanks were on both sides of the SAS, some pointing out to the gulf, and some pointing inward. Scary.

"I will turn Kuwait into a graveyard." That's what Saddam Hussein said he'd do if there were any intervention. I can't get that out of my head. But in the big picture, we here are nothing, a minimal sacrifice. A bold move such as this invasion has to demand a response. Can there be anything short of a complete counter attack, to save as many people in Kuwait as possible, and to prevent Hussein's aggressive expansion? My biggest fear is right now is the chemical weapons.

1835 hrs. I just watched the sunset. Sarah gave everyone a tour of the kitchen; plates, microwave operation, espresso machine. We would get very familiar with not only the kitchen, but with every inch of that townhouse, including the crawl space in the roof.

2010 hrs. George got through to the US again. Can't believe communications are still going through. I don't know why I'm writing all this. Mario has strongly advised me to stop. If searched, this may be misinterpreted as spying. Funny, I just finished reading Tom Clancy's The Cardinal of the Kremlin. Now I think everyone's a spy.

It's dark out, but the lights are on all over the city. Adrenalin is still pumping. I think maybe it's time to force down another scotch. It is humorous to me, outside a war, inside, a small group of people watching a pirated video of Die Hard Two. I missed the end. Gunfire from somewhere outside distracted me.

Don't let me die in a foreign land
This is no place for a humble man
My wife and children across the sea
will not sleep well as they think of me.
As I sit here, I can't think anymore.
Will I wake again on the other shore?

end of day 1

I'm glad Carol and the children are far away from this madness. John's wife only arrived two days ago. She says she's glad she's here, at least she knows John's safe. I wonder how he feels?


I don't think anyone's mind will be on intimate matters. In this situation, psychologists might say our instincts are for survival. That is in God's hands. May he smile upon us this day.

The major events of the day, were the sounds of a couple Iraqi jets flying low over the city. John saw them when he was out. They bombed something. When I was on the roof, I watched three helicopters coming off the horizon in the west. I yelled for everyone to come up. By the time I looked back, I could now count eleven choppers. What a sight, coming right at us. More were coming, and then they veered south. They were on a mission. The airport! They were circling something off in that direction. Ricky (a Filipino that worked for Bob), said he counted 26 choppers. There were sounds of explosions. They circled like vultures. They broke off and headed toward us once again. I was worried that they were going to bomb the city. I guess not. They turned and headed back from where they came. We are definitely under siege.

Day One - continued

11:30 AM Kuwaiti Time


Carol got through on the phone. That was hard. We were both crying at the end. How brave am I expected to be? Crying is not related to bravery anyway, not in my book. I've heard it takes a really brave man to show his emotions. For now, I'm safe, and my family at least has that much information. Don't worry. I told Carol don't worry. What a joke. We didn't talk long (I'll regret that later). I didn't want to tie up the phone lines (unselfish to the end). I was actually concerned with leaving communication lines open for the Kuwaiti government. It was the middle of the night for Carol. That must've been a terrible way to get woken up. Claudette was the first to get through on the phone to her mother in Mount Clemens, and told her to call George's wife and mine. Poor Carol. I hope that call is the hardest thing I'll have to go through for a long while. Carol was wide awake and alert. Amazing. For her it was 4:30 in the morning. She received her call from Claudette's mother only a half hour before, and was dialing Kuwait ever since.

Laughs. Nervous laughs. What else could we do? I am sipping a little scotch on the rocks. For "medicinal purposes" as Carol's dad used to say. I hate scotch. A cold beer would be welcome right now. I really feel that that would be acceptable in God's eyes too. God. Has my life served your purpose? Probably not. Are my sins forgiven? Yes. Lord I pray you will guide me home, one way or another, that I may hold my wife, my children, once again. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Many people would probably not believe that I look to God daily. With that, I can be calm. The verse from Hebrews? "What can man do to me?" Pain may hurt this body, may rip at my soul, but there is greater glory. Enough.

We are at Bob's, shooting pool. Do you believe it, shooting pool? Bob is Mario's neighbor and boss. He is a Canadian. Bob says he could use a beer, a cold Miller. I would prefer some Labatt's Extra Stock myself. Bob points out that alcohol may be a positive outcome of this invasion; the Iraqi’s allow beer in their country. I still want out of here. Wouldn't delay that for a six pack. How the mind wanders.

The grocery store. George, Sylvia & I are dropped off at one market. Mario, John & Claudette go to another. The market is crowded with Kuwaiti's, all loading whatever they could. Everybody seemed relatively calm, but there was a definite urgency to their efforts. George had a cart, Sylvie & I had a cart. What to grab? Liquids. Grab juice. We all brought whatever bottles of water we had from the hotel. Canned goods. Get canned goods. Peaches. I remember the old war movies, what a luxury item canned peaches were. Would it come to that? Would we all be huddled in the dark eating rations of canned goods? I call dibs on the peaches.

August 2, 1990 - Part 1

I arrived in Kuwait about a week before the Iraqi invasion. I came over to fulfill one of the contract requirements that we had included with the sale of V-300 light armored vehicles to the Kuwaiti National Guard.

About 7:30 in the AM, the phone in my room rang. It was John. CNN was broadcasting that Iraqi forces were moving against Kuwait. S#@%!! Throw some things in a bag and get the f#@% out of here. That is the first priority, and that was what we did.

We are at the SAS Kuwait Hotel. John has a friend who lives in Kuwait, Mario, a fellow Maltese. We are throwing some essentials into a small bag, water, underwear, candy.... Mario and his wife Sarah live near here, in Salwa (I'll worry about the spelling later). We are evacuating to their house. Stay calm!

We didn't waste time checking out. What for? It only took five minutes to get to Mario's. I left behind a computer, a suit, pants, new shoes, shorts, just about everything, even my coffee pot. We figured a civilian house would be safer than a plush hotel. We appeared to be correct on that thought. Iraqi tanks were right outside the hotel an hour later, protecting the gulf from assault I guess. We are in a safe place, isolated, for now. Mario suggested that we hit the market to stock up on supplies. I don't like the idea, but we should get as much food stuff as we can,just in case. There are seven of us here; Mario and Sarah, their maid Sylvie, John and his wife Claudette, George and myself. John and George also worked for Cadillac Gage, and had been in country a little longer, providing field service and repair support for the V-300 vehicles.

Prologue

On August 2, 1990, Iraq invaded Kuwait. I was there on a business trip. From the first day of the invasion until I stepped off the plane in Detroit four and a half months later, I was never sure that I would see my wife and two daughters again. I kept a daily journal, thinking that it might be the only legacy I would leave behind if I didn't make it home. This blog will be an edited version of my journal, and may possibly include new comments after the fact.

At the time, I was employed by Cadillac Gage Textron as Manager of Integrated Logistics Support. We manufactured light armored vehicles, tanks, and turreted weapon stations. We had a pretty nice contract with Kuwait, which included a computer and software package to manage the vehicle maintenance and parts program. I had sourced the software for this program, and it was my job to deliver the package and provide initial training to the Kuwaitis. It should have been a walk in the park, had it not been for the Iraqi's rattling their sabres on the border of Kuwait about a week before I was due to travel. At the time, we were told that it was just a show of strength, but not a real threat. The Iraqi's eventually left the border, and I was given the 'all clear' to travel. I was scheduled to be gone for about two to three weeks. It was going to be a walk in the park, and a visit to part of the world where I had never been. Honey, I'll be back before you know it!